Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
What drink are we having for lunch?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
