i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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