Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
