I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
