Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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