I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm passing your future prison.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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