your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
