YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
These tits shall not be calmed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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