After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
