Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
