She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
