Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
