when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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