the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
