eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
