I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
