the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
