Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
