Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
