genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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