At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
