I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
