the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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