End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
