sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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