i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
