My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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