apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
