i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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