I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
