Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
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