im six kinds of drunk right now
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
