i permit you to call me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
