This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
