Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
