you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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