At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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