I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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