how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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