last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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