A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
