Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
