You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
