did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
