Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
