I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
