dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
