just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
