Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Screwed.edu
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
