End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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