i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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