I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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