My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
