I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
