My room smells like vodka and shame
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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