my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
