I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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