Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
