His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
third nipple confirmed
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
