they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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