i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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