no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
