Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
