I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
