seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
