omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish I only lived at night.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
